We all understand the need for physical health and how precious that can be when we are on the cancer journey. Serious or chronic health issues like cancer change our lives and we have the opportunity to take responsibility for our health and wellbeing in all areas in new ways. We learn when to get help, what kind of help we need and how to create plans for health management.
Physical health includes sexual health. For many people it’s embarrassing to even have sexuality and know that we are sexual beings ~ just look at the design of our bodies to know that we are designed for sexual function and reproduction. We can take this for granted, and then it all changes with cancer treatments. We aren’t asked about our sexual health, we don’t know how to talk about it, and we don’t always know what sexual health really is. Doctors are trained to look for pathology instead of wellness, and to treat pathology. It’s easy to end up ignoring our sexuality ~ the old “out of sight, out of mind” approach. Or we can get superstitious about it, thinking things like, “What’s meant to be, will be.”
When our genitals and sexuality are altered by cancer and treatments, it’s easy to think we’re not meant to have a healthy sex life. We may not even know what a healthy sex life is. Stop for a moment and think what you were taught about sex when you first learned. Who told you about sex? What did they say? Chances are is what all about pregnancy and disease prevention, not about pleasure. There may even have been some shaming. Most of us didn’t learn a lot about the joys of sex and how to be creative in our pleasure.
When cancer comes into the picture things often don’t work in the same ways in our bodies and genitals. The traditional ideas that sex involves penetration and intercourse can now be painful and we avoid it. After all, who wants to do something that’s painful? What can we do?
This is an opportunity to define intimacy and sexuality for ourselves and discover our capacity for sexual health. To begin, get to know what your capacity is by exploring what feels good to you now. What kind of touch and where, how much or how little pressure? Where do you feel numb or pain? Does massage feel good? Gentle stroking with fingernails or a feather? Stretching and gentle pulling? Kissing? Where? What kinds of lubricants do you like? Is intercourse painful? Do you use any sex toys? If so, what do you use and how? What would you like to explore and learn about? Is it easy for you to talk about these matters with your partner?
Whatever state you are in with these questions and your sexuality, you can always radiate erotic energy simply by thinking about it. This doesn’t have to be anything overtly sexual; rather, it’s a state of mind, something that is internal to you. We can tap into deep sexual energy with a partner without getting physical. You can affirm sexual health regardless of external circumstances.
Join me on April 19 for a FREE webinar all about this: “You and Your Body – Cancer, Intimacy and Sexuality.” We’ll talk about what happens in the body, how arousal happens (or doesn’t) and some ways to begin to feel pleasure again. There will be plenty of time for questions and it will be a lively conversation. Register today!